The wrap up!

3/2/2011

This is going to be my last blog post. I’ve kinda procrastinated with this. I really don’t want to see this end. It has been two months since I got back, and I know things are different. Not only that, but there have been a few things going on in Japan as well. I’ll get to those later.

First off, since I last posted, I have finally toned down the excitement and chaos in my mind about the getting home part of this exchange program. I had been worrying left and right about so many things, and I still am, but now I have control. Or I feel I have control. And part of that control comes from the memories I choose to get out of this exchange.

Now this blog is supposed to help me remember what I experienced throughout my exchange, and I know I got really negative down there, Emily has been trying her hardest to get me to write some positive memories. And I’ve tried. But what stopped me every time, was I couldn’t just pick a couple memories I thought were good, because.. they were all good to me. Even the bad. But now I’ve had a few more weeks thinking about what went on in Japan, and now I’m starting… no not starting, I AM missing Japan. (I can hear my parents groaning now, “not again!”) they don’t need to worry though, I know that I still need to be home, there is a lot I missed here.

Anyway. For the things I miss about Japan…. Everything. I miss the morning walks/bike rides / train rides to school. I miss how clean the air felt to me (no layer of dust like here in Arizona) I miss School, (since I’ve gotten home I haven’t gone back. I have had my credits for a while now, and I found I easier just to move on.) I miss the food. (In Japan I know that Emi did a great job keeping my diet well rounded, I have tried to recreate that here, but it’s not as easy as it seemed in Japan.) And I miss the REALLY nice weather. Yeah it was a little cold, but here in Arizona it is getting HOT quick. I also miss the endless selection of bread they had in the stores. The crowds, no matter how difficult it is to get through them.

But more then all that, I miss The Inoue Family, and my friends. I miss Obaa-chan, and her really REALLY assertive personality. How she practically forces the sunshine on you. I miss Luna and Ryosuke. Both of them were hilarious and Fun to be around, and I have never seen two kids work as much as they did. I miss Emi, watching her do everything and anything at once, how she seemed to be exactly like me when it comes to sitting still. (weather it was voluntary or not I do not know but still very cool.)

And my Ojii-chan. Even though we didn’t get to speak much with my host grandma around, I still loved watching TV with him. And Of course Mr. Inoue. I know I Admitted more than once to a few people, that I really did like him. Yeah we fought now and then, but he’s the only one who would tell me what is going on. If it wasn’t for him, I would have been ten times more paranoid in the end.

Anyway, I miss watching movies with them, playing uno, and Baba nuki. I still remember beating Emi three times in a row at that game.

Then my friends. I miss all of them. Ottilie and Poulo. (Their endless supply of knowledge totally intimidated me! They made me realize how much everyone here in America doesn’t know.) It felt like I knew soo much before I went to Japan, but once I got there I felt like the only exchange student who was lacking knowledge. Everyone else knew at least one other language, and I only knew English. Anyway. Thanks to them and my other classmates It made me want to work harder.)

I miss Natsumi and Kumiko. They were both amazing people, they knew oo much English, and every time I met them they were learning more. Natsumi was so Enthusiastic about everything! There wasn’t a moment I felt sad around her, and Kumiko. She really put a lot of stuff in perspective for me.

Then the gymnastics’ club. Hode seems to be in every conversation I have about Japan. The most athletic guy in School. I don’t want to be mean when I talk about him as the short guy with the really ripped muscles. But I will never forget. He and the other guys in the club seemed so carefree, yet they worked harder then anyone I met. I miss the laughing. Just listening to someone Laugh can really change your entire mood around. And for some reason He knew when I would stress out, because anytime I was upset, or just scared, he’s always make me laugh with his awesome somersault thing. I hope I never for get that one. He would always just be showing off, and it wasn’t special, but how he did it, totally showed he had a lot of power in I arms, and when he landed, he would always shake his head at the end, making him look like a monkey.

I also miss my cooking class, with Seria, Mia, Yuna, and Momoka. They helped me so much in that class. And they didn’t make me feel so odd in my apron and scarf. My teacher was a little right about me being the only guy in the class, it was a little embarrassing. But It was worth it. My friends in that class alone made it worth it.

Then of course there is Heramatsu. He’s probably who I miss the most. I miss him teaching me writing. I miss the jokes he’s make, and his yell. Really dumb I know, but I remember it. I remember how he NEVER sat still. He always had something to say. And I KNOW he’d always be late no mater what. I’d laugh every time he’s zone out because he would get the look on his face that said exactly what he was thinking. I miss the bike rides we’d take to his favorite noodle shop. I miss how he thought my name was amusing enough to say randomly. I thought it was annoying then, but now I kinda expect it. But now when I can’t here his annoying voice, I kinda get sad. There is a lot I’d say about him, but I know it’s better not to type it. Nothing bad of course.  Just know that if I did write it down, I’d wish I hadn’t.

Sometimes you tend to feel closer to the strangers you sit next to in class then the people you grew up with. All I can think about anymore Is this. Everyone I met in Japan were really strangers to me at first… well they sort of still are strangers since I don’t know much about them. But since I’ve been home It feels like I knew them more then I know my really family, and friends here. Six months changes a lot, and a little at the same time. It defiantly feels like I stepped out of a time machine.

Its hard for me right now, getting use to the new, remembering what happened, getting ready for College!! (big one right there.) and catching up on the things I missed while I was gone. I few times I catch myself wishing I hadn’t gone to Japan, NOT because I didn’t like it (I loved it.) but because I wish I could go back in time to the home I know. But I learned a long time ago you can look back for long. It doesn’t work like that. People

try to recreate the homes the use to have, but really its just better to leave the changes as they are and learn about them. As for me, I am in the middle of a long string of changes, so I’ll have to learn as I go. Getting a job is on the top of my list of things to do for now.

I had or Expected many things to be different in Japan. Like I said I Idolized it, and the first two months I got to see it all! It was more then I could of asked for. And well, that’s pretty much what I’d gotten, more then what I asked for. The three months after the first two, I had found a lot of new stuff out about Japan. The lifestyles and pros and cons to a lot of that. I had said I would learn about food there in Japan, and… I did. It was Amazing, and scary at the same time. Before I knew it I felt I had bitten off more then I could chew. I would think that Japan had rationalized my thinking a lot more. They helped me become more cautious, THINK things through, and helped me with my self-motivation. I usually have a hard time with that. Once I get started though I’m unstoppable.

But one thing I think that helped the most is that. Cooking really I something I want to learn more about. Most Japanese food is really easy… well not easy, but… direct. You can usually remember a few recopies easily, but that doesn’t mean they are easy to make. While most people don’t find cooking a physical challenge, Japan has shown me the more difficult side to that. A few recopies I though would tear my arm off! But, even then I find I’m still not read to take on many of their challenges…. Or I would be, but I don’t have the recourses yet. This will be one thing I’ll have to find on my own.

Anyway. A couple weeks ago Japan has had a few disasters Happened. Exactly one month and a week after I leave, they Had a few earthquakes… and they were sorta BIG. Right after that a Tsunami hit right outside of Tokyo, just north of it. Which is a ways from where I stayed, but still close enough for me to go into a huge fit of worrying once I saw the news… Everyone I met is all right, but the train I use to take had been stopped for a while. Many people were lost though. And every day seems to get worse. They also talk about nuclear reactors that are cause a LOT of damage as well. But Japan is doing an Amazing job rebuilding. I got a letter from Mr. Inoue and He told me that Japan is always rising up from Disasters. And he told me something I didn’t understand, but I think he was trying to talk about a Phoenix. Which is understand able.

But this had hit me in a way I didn’t think it could. While everyone else I’d talked to about it seemed calm, I was worrying myself sick (literally). Had I always been this emotional about Japan? I don’t think I was. It was then I knew what an impact Japan made on my life. It’s Indescribable.

I had tried so many times to describe this feeling. But I always seem to be lost for words. I get frustrated and scared sometimes, but I know that the six months I spent in Japan are a huge part of my life right now. (I can see that now considering I spent five years preparing for it.)  but I hope it doesn’t change. I kinda like having this experience to myself. It’s something that I really can’t share with someone who hasn’t done it themselves, and even then its hard to explain.

I hope this blog is a lot better then the there negative ones, but I wrote those down for a reason. Life hits you in all kinds of ways, and you got to take all of it. And I hope you’ll see that for yourselves because It is something that build rather then destroys. And aren’t all awesome things worth fighting over?

That was lame. Oh well. Anyway… how to finish this last entry. I really can’t think of anything. I’d usually end this with ‘laters’ but there won’t be a later…. Will there? Well. Maybe. There are always going to be other laters…. So I guess it has been decided. Thanks for reading. Love Wade.

Laters!!!

2/17/2011

Ok well I am still writing because I feel the exchange tends to last a while after you get home. But I feel sad. I was told that I scared someone away from doing an exchange program. So I’d like to dedicate this post to her, if she is still reading that is.

First off, that picture you see on the top the blog is NOT one I like. I could do better…. I’m just to lazy to send in a better one for Emily to post up.

Emily Eberle is someone SUPER amazing. She has helped me out a lot, so listen to what she says cause she knows what she is talking about. I would say listen to me, but since I seemed to of caused you fear instead of excitement then it means I don’t know as much as I thought.

Second I am SOOOOOOOOOO sorry you feel you don’t want to do an exchange now. I don’t know where it is you want to go, but not all places are the same. If you want to go to Japan, go anyway cause not every situation is the same. Actually all of the exchange students I talked to had different situations, so it was a little hard to relate to them. One minute your all talking about what you did over the weekend, and while one person is complaining, the other is screaming with excitement about the soba noodles they ate on Saturday. (actually, for once I was the one excited. I love soba noodles.)

Anyway. There are a LOT of reasons why you SHOULD go. Its like trying a new food, or making a best friend. I think I used this sentence before. But it is soo true! Just because one person didn’t ENJOY EVERYTHING they did, they still had a good time. Just like how you can have a good time with the kid at school you despise. At first your fighting but then you have fun.

In my case, I was meeting someone I thought as my hero, and later found out that they were just like everyone else. And I started acting childish. I think that is why I complained so much. I have spent soo much of my life trying to get to Japan, all I talked about was Japan. And like my other posts show, I really LOVED the place when I got there. It could do no wrong. The demon toilets with all the buttons, the crowded areas, the vegi fields. I even tried soo many new foods involving vegetables that I’m planning on making them here! I just never got a chance to write all that down. I was only writing down the BIG things that happened to me, and well anything bad was big to me, because I idolized Japan. You will have something different. I still have a couple friends in Japan, and they are doing just fine. They love it. And they love their host families so much, that I think I even saw one of them cry when she was told she would have to change. (don’t tell her that cause she would kill me.) And someone else, I had to ride home with on the plane, talked none stop about how all THREE families he had were amazing. So nothing is the same.

But I guess my point is, don’t give up on going on an exchange. Especially with Ayusa. From everything I herd and learned they will help you the most. And even though I was stressing out in Japan I loved it. You just have to know why your going over there, and never forget it! Are you looking for a new home, going over just to learn a language, learning about food. Whatever. As long as you know what you want you’ll get it.

Actually I got EVERYTHING I wanted from Japan. I had to fight for it sometimes, but I got it. I lived the life I expected Japan to be, the first two months, after that I learned about the food I wanted to learn about, and WHY everyone was so fit over there. And I could of learned SO much more if I stayed, but I am not as strong as the others when It comes to leaving my family. I was born in a war zone, so the quiet life of Japan was too much for me afrter a while. But that doesn’t mean it will be the same for you.

Everyone has different tastes. We all learn something different.

So again PLEASE don’t give up just because of my blog. If I could I would love to rewrite a lot of it. But everything I was thinking about then was different to what I am thinking about now. And it has only been two weeks.

So just give it a try, do it your own way. Don’t make your jugments off of me, make them for yourself. You will never get anything by just Reading about it. I know I tried. So again. I am sorry I had changed your mind about this program. But you’ll miss a lot if you don’t go. Go for yourself and no one else. And when you come back… brag about it till your friends and family threaten you to stop. Its fun. :) I promise.

Laters,

Wade.

2/3/2011

I have been home three days, and I am just now sitting down to write…. Wow. I’ve got a lot to write about. Lets see if I can catch up. Here we go.

First off I ended school, got a few photos, and even got a few souvenirs. After that I realized I only had three days left in Japan. Well that didn’t mean I could relax. I had to get home to finish arranging the last of my luggage and clean my room so that my host family could move Luna’s stuff in. Not a bad thing, I got done pretty quickly.

When I got home I saw my host dad actually put together a computer! It was soo cool.

Well I was told I would have to get my bye, I barrowed during my stay, from where my school was to my host’s home. It was a little scary thinking I had to do that, but it sounded like fun. But the day I had to do it, my host dad picked it up with his car. Bummer…. But thoughtful of him. That night I got to see Heramatsu again, and Kumiko. Only this time I didn’t expect to see, heramatsu’s family!!!! Thy were soo nice, and I got to see Heramatsu’s room! It was soo cool! Posters on his wall, records and cds everywhere, it was the room that… almost every guy in America wanted!!

Well after chatting a bit, and obsessive gawking over the huge list of British artists, we finally got to see Kumiko. She joined us for a while, and then we were off to eat Tsukiyaki! Heramatsu’s part time job and one of my favorite foods. I ate it at the first party I had, and the last party I had in Japan. It was so sad. We ate ice cream at Basken Robbins afterwards. I ended the night talking with kumiko on the train home.

One thing the three of us talked about the most is Having Heramatsu, kumiko, and Natsumi come to America sometime. I exchanged emails and I hope I can keep in touch. So far so good.

Sunday was…. Difficult. My host dad, for the third time the past three weeks, brought up the issue of baggage. I don’t know if he wanted me to mail it or what, but the third time he went ballistic. It didn’t help that he kept thinking I didn’t understand everything. I won’t go into detail because it upsets me still, but lets just say that I tried doing it the cheapest way possible, and my host father wanted me to do it the fastest way possible, and no one knew what the true restrictions were for the airline. (Turns out I was right since I got here ok.)

Anyway, I managed to calm down enough, and so did my host dad. The next morning everyone but my host grandparents had to leave early. So I had quick goodbyes with most of them. I was very stressed at during this soo I didn’t know what to do.

When it came to saying goodbye to my host grandma is when it got hard.

She cried, I cried, and we said our goodbyes.

They helped me get my bags to the train station, and (after putting on a huge show struggling with my bags) I was off, headed for home.

The ADVENTURE home. (now I know all this is kinda short, but it all flew by really fast. So my goodbyes and plane ride seemed a lot like a dream. Actually all of Japan seemed like a dream, like I was in a comma actually.)

Ok we’ll start at the train station, Konosu. I was trying to juggle my bags and get everything situated for the adventure, while also saying constant good byes to my host grandma, and buying my train ticket at the same time. So something had to happen. Actually two things happened. One, I didn’t check the table to get the right ticket. I had enough money, (in fact I had planned to be charged extra money at every checkpoint I came across.)

Anyway I bought the ticket and went to the gate to check about the extra fee (I was told there would be, by my host grandpa.) well… there was none. One problem solved. Lucky me. I go through and take the tran from Konosu to Omiya. Yay!!!

Then I realized my mistake. I might of paid to little for my ticket. I thought it over, and thankfully was able to think clearly, I can just pay the rest at Omiya train station like before. After some more struggles, and a discovery that baggage wheels and going fast is bad, and that in Japan the only people willing to stop and help you are the old ladies, and very nice guys. (They helped me with the elevator. J)  Anyway, I took a pit stop, and then went to the end station counter. This got confusing.

I told the lady I had made a mistake with the ticket. I just could tell her what kind of mistake, but eventually we got it worked out. Turns out…. No mistake. I paid full fair. I have got to be the luckiest guy ever! I didn’t even pay attention when I bought that, my host grandma was worried and talking to her and balancing my bags was hard! So I just picked one and went. Who knew I had suck luck!

Problem two solved.

Next… bathroom break. I was early for the bus and I had to go.

After that, I played, find the camera charger! I thought I had lost it, (and didn’t find it till I got part way home.) so I was digging through my bags a while. This didn’t give me much time for lunch. How fast a half hours go by. I grabbed a doughnut, and fallowed the signs (and my host dad’s map) to the busses. I spent a whole half hour looking for the Narita bus for the airport. It wasn’t until Heramatsu showed up that I was helped….. HERAMATSU!??

He ditched school to say goodbye…. Ditching school is…. Very bad in Japan. But he wasn’t the only one. One of my other classmates Take, came to say goodbye as well!!!

I was soo excited!! I didn’t realize what was going on, but one minute I was listening to Heramatsu the next I was listening to my host Dad on Yokomichi’s (my area coordinator) cell phone! (WHERE DID SHE COME FROM!? I though she would meet me at the bus stop!) turns out the bus stop for Narita was separate to the other busses. So after fallowing Hermatsu, we got there with thirty minutes to spare.

We didn’t do much. I fallowed Heramatsu and Take around, (By the way, my image of heramatsu changed very fast over the last month. Sometimes he can seem very Mature, but he still a kid in my eyes. Just saying.) anyway listening to him made me smile. He was (sorry IS) someone I would not forget.

The bus came, I shook Take’s hand, GOT A HUG FROM HERAMATSU, and also a hug from Ms. Yokomichi (surprising since we had a bit of a fight the day before.) I boarded the bus. (I think everyone felt bad I was going to be leaving Japan with no goodbye when I think about it. Because they all seemed a bit surprised when I told them I would be leaving alone. Must be why Heramatsu and Take Came. Well I don’t care, weather it was because it was courtesy or because we were friends, or both, but I loved the goodbye.) So, with my Teddybear “rirakuma” I was off to the airport.

The ride there was amazing. I took so many pictures of Tokyo Tower, and the cities I passed.. And the highway was, like a roller coaster!

After a while I got to Narita airport. And a couple of the Airline Employees were waiting for me! They spoke English and the girl was really friendly. Wish I got a picture wit here, she was pretty, and all the other People of the bus loved the way she ran in her heels. She was amusing. She spoke English really well. She even showed me the last Japanese mall, (in the airport.) I went to buy the COOLEST souvenirs ever, but not before checking my bags in…….

Checking in the bags was……. Quick and easy. I paid no extra fees! I managed just fine. (Bragging isn’t nice so what I my ‘I told you so’ comment, is very mild.. besides, I like my host dad… he gave me a lot of help in Japan.)

Problem three, gone and vanished.

So I got in the airport ok, said goodbye to my alien registration card I got when I came here, and… went to go eat a REAL lunch. My last meal in Japan. A muffin, and sandwich.

I was told there was another student leaving, and it was Alex, the guy I bunked with at the beginning of the trip COOL. He showed up late. But it was cool. After being a disaster with feet, (my carry ons almost doubled after I got the souvenirs.) We managed to get two seats together.

The flight was long, Alex and I talked, a lot at the beginning, and slept… or did homework (Alex) at the end.

Alex seemed to have changed host families twice, but over all had a good time. I had a lot of frustrations, but also had a good time. Who had the better trip? I still don’t know, and rather don’t care. It doesn’t matter. I seem of had better contact with the others then Alex.

Well we got to America, split up, (I got lost in San Fran’s airport, but managed to do Ok) and we were off home.

The first thing that shocked me About America when I returned home was… the friendliness of the people. The second, the jerkiness of them all. The third, how UN organized everyone was and the maddening way to get home.

The flights were long. I stunk, and After a few troubling conversations with other American’s I realized… I was going to have a hell of a time re adjusting.

On the last plane, I was told it had rained in Tucson, my home, so when I looked out the window for the first time since I got on the plane in California, I saw my home for the first time and I thought….. ‘it looks like a giant mud puddle.’ ….. just great right? I don’t know why I was so grumpy, but I was.

When I got off the plane… I chose to go to the bathroom to wash my face. I was living the 31^st of January twice, and I have been on three stuffy planes. So I smelled, but That didn’t mean I had to look bad. I wanted to look nice for my family. I did pretty good too, but… when your as out of it as I was, you don’t notice much. Anyway.

The four people I saw once I got down the escalator out were my mom, my step mom, my dad, and…….. my little sister running at full speed. ….she’s kinda dramatic… but…. I didn’t care, I wanted to look like an idiot (a really cool idiot.) so I ran…. Three steps.. before I got tired. … got my hugs, (I was so tired that I kinda hugged the first person who moved, it was my mom, but then my dad did something, so I somehow changed direction. My dad realigned me though, nice thump on the head… see its those kinda moments that get me into trouble.)

Well I then gave my little sister her first present. Pokemon (her favorite.) but the newest ones from Japan that are not even out in America yet! COOL!! Nothing big for me, but when I was like my little sister, I always heard stories or saw tv shows that have Family travel, and they always bring back awesome stuff for the kids that are so new its not even out yet in America, and well…. I wanted to be that person. I think it worked. If not…. Bummer, by little sister needs to watch more TV then.

From that point on I never shut up. I remember going to eat a breakfast dinner, waiting a long time, not caring. And a few other things, but again… I was so tired I can’t remember a lot of it.

Well ok. I got to go to sleep now. I still haven’t had a good night’s sleep, but I have had a good day’s night sleep. So I am making progress.

1/29/2011

So that list I was writing is a bit too long to write all at once, so I’ll be writing two blog post simultaneously. So you might see some repetitive comments. It’s now two days before I leave and I feel I need to talk about my goodbyes… and packing…. A lot of packing…. Every time I turn around I feel there is more stuff! So tomorrow… or today, I will send a little more home by mail.

Anyway, I guess I’ll start with last week. I got a call from my area coordinator reminding me to do everything I was already doing. This is something I don’t find enjoyable. I tried giving her the benefit of the doubt with all the rumors I herd about her, from other exchange students, but her choice of topics isn’t exactly charming. (apparently she is well known among many of the exchange students here in Tokyo. And not in a good way.) She is a very sweet person, however for someone who’s working with teenagers, she really doesn’t understand the idea of Chilax.

She is a very busy person, from the amount of kids who were placed in her area, so I can understand why she doesn’t have time for casual conversations, so the only times I hear from her are when she is reminding me to do something, (a lot more often then needed.) or when someone actually hunts her down when they have a problem.

This tends to cause a little frustration, but nothing to big.

However in my case, what frustrates me a bit is her persistence to having everyone study Japanese to the point of tears, and then more. (Exactly what happened to me.) This makes her calls very unpleasant for me. We already have everyone else with the same idea, so it would really be nice to not have to worry about a language barrier when talking with her. Then comes her review reports. After all of the above she sends us homework that asks us what we think about her. (in Japanese.) Well we all know she is going to read it, so we don’t wanna bash her, but lying and saying that we are ok with everything REALLY doesn’t appeal to us either. (I talked with one of the other student about these forms. She… had a slightly stronger opinion about them.) so… no one sends it in. So every phone call we get ends with her asking where the report is.

She really isn’t a horrible coordinator just, unfortunate.

Enough about here, I didn’t start typing to complain again, actually this last week has been ok. Despite the baggage issue, (you know the drill, every time you turn around more stuff seems to show up.) I have been making a lot of progress on my trip back. I got all the paperwork I need to graduate school, I have given my phone number and contact info to a lot of my friends, and I even learned a few last minute recipes, (and art tricks.) from the library.

I have said goodbye to all my teachers, all usually consisting of a, thank you, goodbye, keep working hard, and the speech. Almost every class I had to give a last speech… that sucked. But heramatsu helped me out with that, he knew I wasn’t sure what to say, and so he whispered one word to me, ‘ninjin’ (or carrot) which made me respond pretty quickly with ‘I hate carrots.’ This made everyone laugh. It’s the one thing I will be remembered for at the school I bet, is the opening speech I gave at the beginning of this adventure, and me announcing that same sentence. “I hate carrots.’ It’s kinda strong, I eat carrots, and for a while I thought I liked them, but… I kinda don’t. They are ok, I guess, but… when eaten with anything else, all you taste is the carrot. It’s annoying.

Well eventually I got through the second to last week. My friend left around this time, and she went back home to Canada. Her friend April left three days later. I still have to read April’s blog, it’s said to be legendary.  Read her first post and, it’s WAY better then mine. And I was told people like MY blog.

Anyway one thing that happened last weekend is that My friend Heramatsu planned a party for me…. Long story short I showed up at the wrong station and waited there for two hours, and missed my own party. (I cried.) but the make up party is tonight. Turns out I was only one station away too.

Um, there was one party for my class as well, but only a couple guys showed up there. Almost missed that one two, but luckily I managed to sort it all out. (OMG I just though I forgot to tell my host parents about the part tonight, but I remembered, its all cool.)

It was fun, but I was tired and stressed. I have been for the last week now. EXACTLY like before I left for Japan.  But I don’t think there will be a surprise party to cheer me up this time.

What else. My uniform was cleaned and handed in this week. I have been wearing my school’s sports jersey. I get to take that home with me.

My last two P.E classes, or P.E. class was Monday. I was actually running more then I thought I was. Instead of 2 kilometers I was running 4. Tuesday we had soccer… but I missed it. Got sick and was stuck in the bathroom almost all hour. Side affect of stress.

But after school, which was right before the class party, I played soccer outside with the guys. I think not playing soccer for so long has IMPROVED my skills. Or Japan has. My thinking and reaction time during play has increased. To bad I can’t play with the school team when I go back, I would make varsity. (no choice, seniors all go to varsity. )

I said goodbye to all my friends yesterday. That was sad. My class even wrote a card for me so I wouldn’t forget them. And we took pictures. Got to get them on my computer before I go home.

When I got my certificate for attendance, (used so I get credit at MY school for attending) I had to go see the principle. There I got to talk with him one last time, and learned a bit about him as well. One, he is a very funny guy. Two, he doesn’t speak English, which is why both times I saw him I had someone there as a translator. He gave me my papers, a school towel, and told me I got to keep my PE uniform. (Poulo and I guessed we got to considering we had our names sewn in on both parts, AND we paid for them.)

What else, oh, my Homeroom teacher, Maya Yoshikawa, gave me these amazing souvenirs from her trip to a Kabuki. (Japanese stage play.)

I got a letter from my sculpture friend. Remember her? I talked about her on here a couple times. She disappeared a while ago. And I never really did learn weather or not she was still in the school. But she sent a letter to me apologizing, saying she enjoyed the classes we did have together, and then saying goodbye. I will keep this letter for sure. She’s one of four people, besides heramatsu, in my class that I really stood out form everyone. I will always remember her as the girl who disappeared.

Yusuke, one of the other three people who stuck out to me, I didn’t get to say goodbye too. He has pierced ears, (got in trouble for it idk how many times.) and is someone I had an easier time talking to. He’s a lot like some of the guys in my middle school. He acts like he’s all that, and dangerous, (and to the other students that’s all they see) but to me I just saw a guy… an idiot. In a good way. I like people like him because they always know what’s truly important for their self-esteem. If they want to do something, they do it, not because it will impress others, but because it will impress themselves. To bad he’s in a school that doesn’t support that way of thinking. If it weren’t for my sudden reverse of personality in 4h, I probably would have become better friends with him.

Rikya, person number three, is the art student in the class. He’s good at what he does, and I always am impressed when I notice something new about him. Remember at the beginning I mentioned the Festival with the decorations, and they had a contest that had the guys dress like girls, and girls dress like guys? Well he’s the person who won. I saw his costume to. It was… amazing.

Since then I have see smaller pieces of his work, and I have been impressed with all of it. I have been an art student for ten years now, and even though people love the work I do, I always feel it lacks either reality, or feeling. I can never get a good mix to express myself. But Rikya, is someone who expresses himself just fine, and manages to do it INSIDE the lines as well. You know that expression right, artists never color inside the lines, well in Rikya’s situation, he colors inside the lines because he has to, but he works inside these limits and does a great job. I hope to see his work in the future when he isn’t restricted by others’ opinions and rules. (you know I think I might tell sensei this so I can keep tract better.)

Anyway, the last person is Suuta. He’s actually the odd one out of the four people I noticed because all the others work OUTSIDE the popularity circle, but Suuta is in the center. Why do I care? Suuta has this ability to get everyone’s attention (which I think is why he’s one of the class’ announcers.) He ‘s gentle enough to the people who respond to that gentle attitude, but he’s strong enough that he’s able to get everyone else’s attention. A perfect combo. But he also has his difficulties. And like with many people it’s his image.

I’m not going to write about this one because It’s an Issue that I could be wrong about, but it makes a lot of sense to me. But Like I said before Suuta is short and cute, and like I hate being tall, he probably hates being short.

Anyway all four of these people I noticed ate lunch somewhere else or by themselves. They are friends with the other classmates but like me, sometimes food needs to be eaten alone.

The list of things to talk about.

Every morning I ride my bike from the train station to school. It’s almost three miles, but it takes me about a half hour to get to my destination. The way starts out as a single road to travel on, but about a third of the way through, you got a choice of two roads to take to school. (There are also many smaller roads that connect the two, but we can talk about this later.) BOTH roads are usually crowded.

Well it’s usually when these roads split up when you figure out weather or weather or not your going to have an easy ride, or a bike race with the other students. (Sometimes you think your going to get an easy ride, but then it changes to a bike race as more students appear.)

How you figure this out is by the number of students who choose the same direction you choose, forming a sort of bike group. Well these bike groups are very stressful to be in, you have to either keep pace with the other students, difficult. Pass the other students, tiring, but very beneficial, or you lag behind and struggle trying to avoid the stragglers, who often only go as fast as snail. Well choose quickly because if not your choice is made for you, and your usually stuck in the exact middle of this bike group. (NOT FUN.)

Well I find b, and c, to be frustrating, so I always peddle faster to stay in front of the group, but that’s when you get stuck in a bike race.

You peddle faster; some of the others will peddle fast, because THEY don’t want to be stuck behind YOU.  Then the race begins!

I find it REALLY amusing. Because in my head, I have this announcer’s voice that tells me how I’m doing. One minute I’m in front, then the next someone passes me, and I’m struggling just to keep up. Not only that but you also have to obey the bike rules, AND dodge the obstacles you encounter when you get people who just LOVE to make everything difficult. AKA, the grumpy geezers in the black suits who can’t read the signs that say BIKELANE.

Anyway, why this is important to me. One, I do it every day. Two, I have a lot of cartoons I drew in my notebook that replay some funny situations that happened. Others describe situations that could happen. One is of me catching raindrops on my tung as I’m ridding.

Note one finished….

Yesterday I saw a picture of my class hanging on the wall. It was of last year. All of the same students as the year before, a couple missing, but the same class. I knew the schools did that here, keeping the same students together as the years pass. It’s a bonding thing. But what surprised me was the picture under that one. It was the same class, all in the same photo, only… but it was taken almost eight years ago! THEY WERE SO LITTLE!!!! It was then I noticed it was a THEN and NOW picture set. The bottom picture stays the same, but the top one changes EVERY year. Its simple but soo cool! I want to have a class like that! This might be why everyone is a friend with everyone in this class.

Note two finished…

In P.E we are doing that running thing, you know the long mile run thing? Well here it’s a little bit longer, and we have to do it ten times….. Enough said.

Note three finished.

I have been trying to pack my bags like I was told to do by my area coordinator. I have been doing it for a week. As of right now I am still not done. But I will be. AND my arms are getting a work out too! A whole week of doing this and I already see results!! This might be my answer to an alternative to working out! …. Travelers are strong people after all.

Note four finished…. Not even close to being done.

This comment is about Ottilie and Poulo. (did I mention both of them are reading now?) They both have mentioned how much they will miss me. I will miss them too. But they need to get along better. They even have a class together, WITHOUT ME, and they don’t talk. Of course they also have other students too. But still!

Anyway, described the three of us as ONE exchange student. We each have talents in the Japanese language that we are good at, yadayada yada (did this before.) but in reality I’m not even part of that system. If Poulo and Otilie work together they can do just fine without me.

End of note five…

I’m making a presentation for my computer class. It’s a goodbye to 4H presentation. But, transferring the Data is a lot harder. I think I got it worked out though. I’ll show them my last day of school.

End of note six.

In Art class we started painting a still life of a stuffed duck. I’m sketching it because I only got one class left. It’s almost too easy for me. I think it’s because every art teacher I have ever had has always made me draw a duck…. I wonder if it’s a rule or something written in History. To teach art you have to make them draw ducks. This is my fifth duck project. I drew three others before then.

Ducks have a wide verity of textures on them. I guess it does help teach students. But the proportions are murder.

End of note seven.

I have am remembering some of the small things my host brother, sister and I did together. They aren’t as frequent as when I fist got here, but we still have fun now and then. I’m going to miss these two a lot.

Origami with Luna, talking gibberish with Ryosuke. The random hunger attacks. It’s been a lot of fun. But even kids are affected by stress. The whole house is under it right now.

End of note eight.

I really miss the gymnastics’ club right now. That one month with them was the best. Or was it two? I forget how long it was. It was a while ago now. I haven’t seen the club members in a long while. I feel bad for not visiting. But lately I have been leaving right when school ends. You know the drill, trying to make it home for dinner. Well It’s done wonders with my host family, but everything comes with a price.

End of note nine.

This is a big one. What am I looking forward to In America when I return home. Actually, I’m looking forward to a lot, but I am also scared about a lot of things.

I’m looking forward to ending school, eating my own food, cooking new food, seeing family, seeing friends, the warm sun, my dogs, MY room, MY bed, doing MY own laundry, Movies, Dating, breakfast burritos! And a bunch of other stuff.

But I am scared to return home too. Things have changed, and I read about it all the time. Not only has my town made International news, but my mom is living a completely different life from when I left her, my little sister has grown up more, I still have a whole life to sort out, college is on it’s way, I need a job, my friends have changed (and I’m still expecting them to be the same as when I left them.) and a whole lot of other stuff.

I knew this would happen when I return home, and I can see it from the little I have herd from my friends and family, but I STILL just can’t except it. It’s almost like I am not returning home, but rather going to a new country again.

End of note…. Ten?

I recently saw a post on Facebook I wrote 24 days BEFORE I left for Japan. It was…. Interesting. I thought I hanged, but reading that I still am the same. I may not have the same outlook of Japan as when I left, but it was still me who was reading. It reminds me of a box my English teacher had me make three years ago…. Actually I got to open that up this year. Wow, I wanna know this one. I wonder if that quarter is still in the box, I think I took it out a month or so after I made the box because I needed a quarter to buy a soda. If it is still then I am going to laugh, that was the plan after all. Why else would a kid put a quarter into a box that will only be opened 4 years later by, him.

End of note 11.

Jokes. I have made so many jokes here. And yet many of them have failed. I have an inability to properly perform my jokes in real life. Maybe I can do better on Page.

Well One morning I was riding my bike to school here. You know the drill. Anyway, it took me a while, but I noticed I was going REALLY slow, and the guy in front of me was about two car links away.

I asked myself, ‘why the hell am I doing this. It’s a bike I can speed up and get through small spaces whenever I need to! So why so slow?”

I had to answer myself, weird I know, but at least I wasn’t talking out loud. “Well, what if I lose control and hit that guy that just walked in front of me. If I wasn’t going so slow I could of hurt him.”

‘it’s a BIKE just get OFF. You’re the one controlling the bike, it’s not just going to lose control like a car can. And even then cars don’t lose control like that.’

‘…. You miss my point. What if I lose control and HIT the guy the just CUT ME OFF.”

You get my point don’t you? Sometimes road rage just makes people crazy.

Anyway, I also replayed the joke I herd in Amarica. “Green light means go, yellow light means go faster, then red light means ‘HAL ASS!”…… I just don’t get why I didn’t pass my driver’s test.

Well anyway, the guys in my class make a lot of Japanese jokes, and I get a few, but there are many I just don’t understand. But what makes this funny is that the other students expect me to laugh. How can I laugh if I don’t get it? So I’m stuck with a dilemma. If I laugh at a joke I don’t get, I look stupid. If I don’t laugh, THEY look stupid… I don’t know about your morals, but I think I’d rather have YOU look stupid. Just saying.

But yeah, most the time I just sit there and smile as though I’m waiting for the punch line. The girls love it, the guys hate it.

End of note 12.

(Side story.) 1/22/2011

Today Heramatsu had a party planned for me at his hometown…. On the way there I made a mistake and got off at the wrong stop. I waited at the station for two hours before I finally went home. Everything I hoped wouldn’t happen, happened. I missed the party. And cried in front of everyone… today was not a good day.

(end of story.)

Even though Heramatsu doesn’t read a lot of books, he checks out a lot of them. His favorite ones are books about Scotland. He loves their history, because most of it is about rising against the odds. (I tried to tell him I am part Scottish, but the word Heritage is hard to translate in Japan. Most of their people have the same blood.)

Anyway, the other day two of the girls in my class decided to stack his books neatly on his desk, because they are usually in a huge heap in some random part of the room. When I walked into the classroom I herd them comment on how he has a lot of them. I couldn’t help myself, I showed a couple places Heramatsu hides his other books. He hides them ALL around the school almost. On top of the cleaning cabinet, under the teacher’s stand in our classroom, in his locker, in MY locker, and even in his Shoe locker out front. Each of these hiding places has ten or more books hiding in them. I didn’t count them, but he has more then forty. (why does the word Forty only have an oh, while Fourteen and Four, have a U in it?)

End of note 13.

When I met my friend Olivia (not ottilie) about a week ago I think, she helped me notice something about this exchange. The program I’m in really makes it sound like we are here WITH them. However we aren’t. We are actually here by ourselves. AYUSA does a lot for us students, and they map out almost everything we NEED to do in order to have a proper exchange. But we don’t HAVE to fallow their advice. I’m not saying this to inform AYUSA I am leaving them, no I am thanking them, because they have made me feel a lot safer when I thought that I was more on a school trip. I think my Parents feel the same. However that isn’t exactly how things are. In reality I am here by myself. Ayusa is just a very helpful group of people holding up signs for me to fallow. And they have done all the research I would have needed to do If I was by myself. So thank you Ayusa, you have helped me so much. That is all carry on.ßjoking joking, don’t smite me!

End of note whatever.

I can get around in Japan just fine now. I know how to use the train system here. HURRAY. Ottilie needs to practice more though.

End of note 15.

I understand a lot of Japanese now…. Just saying. I may not speak it well, but I am getting really good at replying. (and today someone said something to me that I understood just as well as English.)

End of note 16.

And page one.

1/17/2010

Not a good day today. I write too much to send these post over emails, so that’s why I have been trying to write shorter stories. Anyway. This is the third set for these past two weeks. I need to send my blog posts in tonight, but… the Internet has become kinda an issue. I hate using it. Plain and clear.

One thing I was told by someone is how fast the Internet access is over here. Or that was the rumor. Well…. It’s true. But I don’t get to have fun using it cause I’m trying my hardest not to stay on to long. So by the time I’m done replying to my Emails, I have to get off. Not by request, no they never ask me to do anything over here, but it’s that silent disapproval thing they do over here. It annoys me. That and my host dad is insisting everything I use is wrong…. Not really wrong, per say, just not what HE wants. He even changed my web browser to Japanese. (It was ok at first, but now it’s just inconvenient.) So when my host dad’s computer starts having issues, he’s quick to ask to look at my computer to find a problem with it. Hence, why I am plugged to a wall now.  I got my laptop cleaned before I came over here, and even though I’m not a computer genius, I know enough to get by. (In my computer class in school, I’m actually the quick one.) Now I don’t mind being plugged into a wall, this happened because someone else at one in the morning was using my host dad’s Internet service, so he had to disconnect the wireless adaptor. It hurt me a bit, but I don’t mind being in the living room.

But now something else must have happened because he’s asking about my security on my computer. I wouldn’t mind this so much if it wasn’t for the fact that he has to ask me when I’m in the middle of something important.

Two, I know my laptop isn’t exactly secure, but it doesn’t need to be. I got nothing to hide, but that doesn’t mean it’s an open window to my host Families computer. I know enough to know their computer is protected from my computer.

Well enough about that. This is a stupid topic anyway.

Saturday went well. I got two of my friends to help! That was fun. Afterwards we went out to eat. Community service is OVER!!! YESSSSSSSSS!

I like having that time alone, its rally easy to just put my body on auto pilot and I can go off and day dream while I work, but even I hate waking up in the morning on a weekend to work.

Sunday, Poulo Ottilie and I wanted to go see a movie. Poulo forgot to show up. So it was just Ottilie and I. The movie was pretty good for something based off of a real life event.

I just remembered Poulo is now read. So cool. (wats up Poulo!!!)

Anyway, spaz moment over, The movie was awesome, and afterwards Ottilie and I went shopping. I didn’t buy anything, but It was fun looking at the stuff. OMG did I really write that? I didn’t buy anything? ….. oh wait I did that before. Oh well.

Anyway, I had to go home early for dinner. Haven’t been missing dinner lately. Did I mention I found out dinner at my house is at SIX and not SEVEN. Kay, so I didn’t know this for the first three months I was here. No one told me. But I found out during my break off from school, because of testing, and I was a little erked. They didn’t tell me. So I have been holding up dinner for a while now and I didn’t know it. Well it wasn’t that bad, dinner tends to change between seven and Six, because Luna and Ryoskuke go to their study sessions often. (still don’t know if it’s actual school place sorta thing, or a friend’s house.) Well anyway, I do like being told these things.

After dinner My host dad gave me a letter, (not from him this time, thank you very much.) but from Ayusa. I was told my return home info would come in soon. And it did… then it began. The checklist of ‘things to do before I leave.’ First thing on the list packing!!!  Ok so I was told to pack my bags a week ago. And now this check list says I got to fallow the packing rules on the airline website…. Kay. So what are the rules? They didn’t send them like they did in America, so I had to find the website…. Did I mention my host dad turned my web browser into Japanese? Fun stuff trying to go through an Airline website, when you can only read half the words. Well eventually we found the English website. One, the weight limit is a little under that of America’s. Well that’s just great, allow us to take more then we can bring back! Well I fixed that problem. Got them both under the weight limit. I really didn’t buy that much here in Japan.

Then the next rule showed up. This one was what me and my host dad in a debate. Dispute maybe. Dispute, debate, their both the same, whatever.

Anyway, he was saying I could only have two bags, one check in and one carry one. I told him I got these four bags here I can get them back. He then said the rule changed this month. I found no freaking sign that said the rule changed. And the website still said I could check in two bags. And just now I got confirmation that I can check two bags in. So I win…. Till I got to rule three.

One bag is over the size limit…….. WHY Do they even make baggage that is over the size limit? These people just LOVE to make things complicated huh?

So now I have to figure out if mailing this bag will be better then bringing it with me. I really would rather not mail it. But if I even show up to the airport with it, and they DO charge me the fee, then I will be paying close to 200$ extra. So mailing sounds like the better idea.

So that was yesterday.

Omg. That was yesterday. It felt like a week ago. It’s only been a day? GO FASTER!!!!

I don’t get why I wanna go home so bad. I don’t even get why I dislike Japan so much. I don’t HATE it here; I just… rather not live here. Its to…. Suppressing.

Well that’s that…. Till later I guess. Time to mail these in.

1/13/2011

Well today was…. Exciting. I was making plans left and right for this weekend. I am not sure how it all happened really. Everyone wants to hang out before I go… but. I really don’t know how I feel about this.

Lately people have been talking about me a lot. In my host family, Luna has gotten this really bad habit of talking about me AS SOON as I leave the room. How do I know this? Well one she fallows me with her eyes when I walk through the room, and is really quiet, all the way till I get to the door. If I look at her, she quickly looks away. So then as soon as I leave I hear, “waido-kun wa” in a whisper… Kay so I was a little upset about it at first. Then I tied ignoring it, but if it doesn’t stop I’m going to go insane right before I leave.  Know my other family members do it, but I’m glad they make sure I only hear the good though. Well Luna is ten, so I got to give her a free card. Can’t go getting mad every time a ten year old goes and does something like that. If I did, MY little sister wouldn’t want me to come home.

Well in school it’s the same. Only rather then wait till I leave, the students talk about me in front of me. I said I was ok with that before, and I still am, but now I can actually UNDERSTAND what they are saying. I still act like I don’t though. Not good, but I think it saves a lot of embarrassing situations. I’ll tell you about the things I herd though.  One, I seem to have a scary atmosphere around me… or at least I did the night we had the New years party. I was grumpy that day. But it did bum me out to hear them say that. The same night I also herd my name listed off with two, Heramatsu, and Suzuki (there are two suzukies in the class, the girl, who is really smart and draws well, and the guy, who is also really smart, and plays guitar well. Both are cute.) So that one HAD to of been something good. I was listed as either first, or third.

Then there was yesterday. Noumichi and I had just gotten back from the cleaning… and I was called an idiot. I deserved that one though, cause I really didn’t think out this Volunteer thing very well.

Well anyway. Today Noumichi got a lot of attention because he was the only one willing to help yesterday. And it was COLD yesterday. Poor guy. Having to go through that. It wasn’t that long though.  But today things only got worse for him. I had thanked Noumichi, and told him I had fun yesterday. (Which I did because he was there.) And he agreed, in his lame way. I knew he didn’t have fun; no one has fun when they feel they have to do work.

Well it was computer class and the guys were all talking with him about it, and well Noumichi got on a role telling them about how cold it was and how there was hardly any trash, and then how out of nowhere we found a lot of it, which made things worse for him. (You know that teenage way, once you have to work, everything becomes Hell.) He also repeated a few of the things I TRIED to say in Japanese. About how in America people do this because they don’t want kids getting cut on the playground by broken glass. Exc. (he did really well at mimicking my voice too.) Well anyway, that was when I started listening, because I knew what they were talking about. Then It happened, someone asked him how much fun it was. The words that came out of Noumichi’s mouth were words I COMPLETELY understood. He said he didn’t have ANY fun. Right after Heramatsu, the idiot tat he is, did something that really opened my eyes to why Noumichi decided to help me out. Heramatsu, apologized and thanked Noumichi for what he did yesterday. I don’t know why but it hurt. I knew Noumichi didn’t have fun, but I though he would of liked it that I tried talking with him as much as I did. But as soon as he said what he said he saw I understood. His eyes got really big then. The others saw this too and started laughing.  He quickly tried covering it up, in a lame way, by saying something different. He switched to saying, “it was really cold.” Which in Japanese is close to the other sentence in sound, but not enough to mistake it for the other. I told him it was fine, and all that. I really didn’t care; community service just isn’t fun for most people (I’m just REALLY weird.) but what bugged me was that he only came because everyone felt I needed a babysitter. That’s what he was.

There was one other time I had realized people were taking turns talking with me, it was during testing time. I didn’t have tests around tat time, and my original plan was to study the cookbook I had, but everyone expected me to want to talk to Heramatsu. And to give him a break, they practically assigned me to a person at certain parts of the day. So that I wasn’t distracting anyone.  It wasn’t like I was a problem or nothing, but here in Japan people feel bad if they leave a guest to themselves. Originally Heramatsu really was suppose to be my Guide first, friend second. So when he knew he couldn’t give me full attention, Not that I needed it (and I told him that.) he asked some of the other classmates to sit and talk with me. It was around the time I was passed off to Noumichi that I realized it was happening. (Noumichi is just really bad at keeping secrets. Good guy though.)

Well anyway, because of this I am….. slightly… slightly, yeah right. No I’m really ticked. This Japanese Obligation system thing is really ticking me off. It’s not the people, and it’s not the culture. It’s the constant pressure that comes from social acceptance. I often wondered what it would be like if everyone wanted to be liked by everyone…. Well I’m pretty close to seeing it here in Japan. And you want to know what I think about it? I think it’s a failed system. When you got everyone trying to get approval from everyone else, you end up getting nothing but hurt and frustrated people. And I don’t blame anyone for this. When I finally get to know someone, after pulling teeth, I find them to be very nice and genuinely concerned about how you’re doing. But if your not careful they will easily treat you like everyone else again. And not out of choice. These people are telepathic I swear. It’s why I am having a really hard time here, and why everyone else is soo in tune with everyone else. It’s maddening I tell you, Maddening!!!!…… any chance I can stay here another few months? I think next week we learn telekinesis.

Well anyway. Tomorrow is the last day of community service. HURRAY. I’m tired of garbage.

1/12/2011

Wow…. All I can say is wow. Well first things first, I have been going through my list of things to do before I leave. I have most of it done, but more keeps popping up every day.

At the top right now Is doing some community service before I leave. I have two scholarships helping me pay for Japan right now. This blog is requirement for one of them. But I really don’t mind because thanks to this blog I really couldn’t have made it through this trip. The second one, a lot similar to this blog but in an essay/ presentation form, asks that I do ten hours of community service. Well…. How do you do community service in a community that so… ORGANISED. Everything that could be done has been done! I bet most of these people do community service in their sleep! They don’t even have any programs at school… well they have a class that’s a lot like community service, I’m in it… but I don’t think that counts….

Well that didn’t stop me… I need the money…. So I came up with a plan to clean the nearby park. There IS trash around in Japan; you just have to look carefully. So I talked with my teacher, my host family, some friends, and asked a bunch of people who might want to volunteer. I figured, an hour a day isn’t too much, and since It’s all-volunteer, they can pick when they want to come. I’d be there every day after school. I got the trash bags and safety tongs at the 100-yen store (their dollar store) And Today I started.

No one came. I forgot how fast two hours goes by too, so I didn’t get much done. So far the start of my community service project is… a bust. Oh well…. I can work alone… take pictures of me by myself can work too I guess. This might give me some nice alone time before I leave. And I really did want to see the park. We’ll see how tomorrow goes.

Anyway as I was working…. Or rather culming the grass to find garbage, (Did I mention I have to sort it into three groups? Combustible, non combustibles, and bottles… cans too if I find them.) I started thinking about my next problem. One of my friends here in Japan I think might have a crush on me. She’s been kind obvious about it, I was just ignoring it hoping she’d give up. But… she didn’t. Now this goes down really fast, so pay close attention to the words I use, it describes my thought process a bit.

It was a mutual friend that went and told me, I just nodded my head after clearly hearing the words, IN ENGLISH “she loves you a lot you know.”

Me, “Shoot, not again. What will I do this time? Will she get upset? She’s going to ask why, like the others did (yes others.) should I just tell her I like some one else? No that won’t work; it’s better to tell her the truth so she won’t misunderstand. How will she take that though…. I have been obvious about it. She’s going to feel stupid once I tell her. Falling for a gay guy. Then they avoid me. … Kumiko will want to know what happened. Heramatsu too… crap. Heramatsu. He already avoids me enough as it is, I know he knows. But once he hears the words, then he’ll really be chicken (well you know.) Why does everything have to be so difficult? Most people would be happy to hear that someone likes them. But not me. Instead I have to worry about what I say to them or else things go to hell. Then there is Heramastsu. He’s like the coolest friend I could have but this one little thing will just mess things up! It would be so much easier if I were just normal like everyone else. Then I could just go out with her, be friends with Heramatsu and everything would be fine. No crushes, no weird situations. Nothing. But no….

I need to talk to someone… Poulo probably doesn’t want to hear this… Ottilie will understand… to an extent… girls don’t exactly see things the same way I do. That’s basically me. I can relate to both guys and girls, yet I can’t relate to either of them at the same time. Great. Just great. Even if Heramatsu spoke English fluently, I couldn’t talk to him…. I just want to cry now. Why can’t I be normal… well I don’t want to be normal.  I Like who I am… I hate what I got to put up with. Why not Just change genders and everything will be fine! Yeah right. Oh god now I’m doing exactly what I told my parents I wouldn’t do! I’m a guy, and I like being a guy. It’s what I told them. I meant it too. But Aug! I’m just tired of feeling like a an outcast… Complaining is not going to get me far. Crap now I’m crying in class… I hope Heramatsu doesn’t see…. He’s asleep again…. Idiot…. …. What will I say to her…”

Well yeah. That’s a summery of what I thought about. Imagine what was really going through my head. Not fun I can tell you that. I was confused, frustrated, and mad that I could express myself, and tired. I really just wanted to break down and cry…. But you know how it is. Guys don’t cry. They aren’t aloud to, even gay guys. Girls can do it and they get what they want. Guys do it, and they get made fun of.  We just don’t look cute with those puffy red eyes. Maybe one or two tears are ok, but once you can’t blame it on Allergies you got to stop.

I know my family wants to read about happier stuff then me having issues, so I’ll lighten the mood by telling you how awesome the peanut butter I have is!  As of now I am only One third of the way through the Jar! I got 19 days left! Can I eat it all?! I have been letting my friends eat some, and the ones who do know American peanut butter LOVE it, and think I’m a god for getting a jar here. But Ottilie hadn’t tried it before so this was new for her. She liked it, but she didn’t know what the big deal was. Poulo loved me for the sandwhich he got. (Hey I just spelled Ottilie’s name rig- oh strike that it’s wrong. My spell check is just weird.)

Anyway. I bought 500 yen worth of bread. It will last me till a couple days before I go home. I am trying to make it through the last of my days with the money I got So I don’t reach the 250000 yen mark I have been avoiding. But After listening to the other exchange students’ list of what they spent, I think I’m doing AN AMAZING job saving money. But going out in Japan is EXPENSIVE! Well laters.

1/13/2011

Second day of community service, or volunteer work is more like it… I GOT SOMEONE TO HELP!!!! It was Noumichi. I mentioned him before right? He’s the guy that I’ve wanted to be friends with since I got here, but because of language differences it’s been hard. He only speaks Japanese, and he speaks it really fast. But today I was able to catch a lot of it. Still a little hard though. Anyway today we did one hour together. He figured out I’m weird, cause I actually like this lame volunteer work. (Did I mention that to anyone? I found that out recently. Its kind of fun.) Anyway thanks to him we were able to make some progress. I didn’t get much done yesterday because I couldn’t find any garbage. Today we finished up the playground and moved on to the walkway through the trees. There we found a few cans, nothing big. But on the way back we hit a really nasty spot near the river. The most garbage I have seen in Japan. It was right next to a cemetery, so there was a lot of flower casings and tissues, and lunch stuff, (people have festivals near cemeteries because it’s also near the shrines which is were a lot of festivals are held.) and yeah. It was crazy. We filled up our two trash bags quickly. (It looked like someone was cleaning up after a festival and threw it into the park area where no one would find it. So tomorrow we will finish that up. We might have more people then.

Saturday is the long day though, so we will have more people that day. Anyway the park might be finished by Saturday so if we have a lot of people it might be hard to keep things organized. Luckily Noumichi thought of this and pointed out the area near the shinkansen. There is a lot of trash there. The shinkansen is raised on a huge highway looking thing, so working under the bridge is also safe. (Wrote that for my parents.) mmmm, just realized that was another thing my Dad didn’t want me doing here…. It’s not mandatory dad no worries. People get board sometimes, and doing some cleaning wont hurt no one.

Shoot that reminds me. I haven’t sent an Email to everyone in a while.

In my defense, I really don’t have that much time on the Internet. And I know everyone is reading so I thought It would be ok. But I am thinking about everyone, EVERY DAY I might add. I may not be counting down the days, but that’s only because I think none stop about the day I do leave. Counting makes everything go by slower.

I really want to go home now. Not because I’m miserable or anything like that. I’m actually doing amazing right now, but I just really miss home. I love you guys; I’ll see you soon. Laters.

1/9/2011

I really don’t know where to start really. Today I have so much I can write about. Well I should start with yesterday.

Yesterday I met up with Olivia, (one of the girls from Canada who came to Japan with me.) She will be leaving a week earlier then I will. Well she’s currently is in Tokyo, and after getting there, (BY MYSELF I MIGHT ADD! YAY ME!) I caught her hanging with one of her friends! Her name was April, she was from… somewhere. I forgot. But she was really out going. She’s been in Japan since, well April of last year. She goes home four days before I do.

Well the first thing the three of us did, was talk. A LOT. It was Amazing! From topics about our stay in Japan, to pointless stuff like why it was so cold in the one spot they chose to sit in. We talked about the weird looks we got from some people here, and about the problems we had in Japan. After listening to the problems the two of them had, I feel like my problems were nothing. Which I felt like that before anyway. But over all we all seemed to get something out of this. Even though we all mostly agreed we were tired of Japan. (I herd many other exchange students left Japan pretty quickly because of some of the issues they had to deal with.) And I am really Glad Olivia has stuck it out as much as she has.

I Had also mad two peanut butter sandwiches for Olivia and I, but Olivia doesn’t care for Peanut butter, (I can understand that, I use to be the same way.) so I gave one to April. SHE LOVED IT. She acted the same way I did when I got the huge jar Christmas. She then went on talking about the difference of Japan’s Peanut butter, vs. America’s. And well, I can understand why, a whole year without it? I couldn’t last a half!

Anyway, we walked around and did some of the favorite things Both April and Olivia love to do together, (the two of them are a lot like how Heramatsu and I are.) And Lucky us we get stopped by one of the camera crews from one of the TV stations here in Japan! (OMG I’m GOING TO BE ON TV IN JAPAN!!!) Or so I thought. The question was about The new music Video for a pop group here. I hadn’t seen it, but April had, and…. In pretty fluent Japanese, told them EXACTLY what she thought about it. That girl really knows what she’s talking about too, and a lot of it wasn’t very good. Even though I didn’t understand most of what she said, I knew what it was about and I got scared. Everything she said was true about the group, and I couldn’t disagree with what she said, so when It was my turn I froze. I was going to say something nice and cool that everyone in Japan would love me for (like every other foreigner in Japan does.) but I quickly abandoned that Idea after I herd what April said.

(what she said: The lyrics have no meaning. And they focus way too much on looking good on screen.) Or something close to that. She said it in a nice way too.

(What I said: They are…interesting…. Yeah. Interesting. But…. Their colors are a bit too much.) ß And the lame o award goes too!!!!!

Well the camera guys doing the interview weren’t expecting this, so they got a bit upset. (One laughed though.)  So after we left we got onto a huge topic about it all.

It was there I also took note at how much Olivia and April are like my friends back home.

Well laughed A LOT more then I had this entire trip. So I was pretty tired when I got home. But it got me thinking about how different I am from when I got here. I really felt like an Adult when I left, but after a few months of being handled, and treated like a kid, I am sure I started acting like one. Not only has my attitude changed to a more passive one (AGAIN! I just got out of that habit back home! <- Use to be a very passive child.) But I also seemed to have lost some of my individuality. Or I’m too tired to fight for it right now. So when I get home I am a bit worried.

April swears just as much as my friends do back home, so I was happy to hear that. That will be another language thing I will have to get use to when I get home. One thing we all look forward to when we get home is SPACE. No more over crowded areas!!!

Well anyway, this morning I realized how much we complained about Japan yesterday. So I started thinking about all the good times I had here. There are a lot. I then started to cry because I realized I just spent Five months with my host family and I don’t know how I feel about that. They obviously aren’t no one to me, but I also feel I don’t know them at all. I spent so much time with them (and the kids at my school as well.) That I really can’t see me just up and leaving without a second thought about them. Its.. Difficult. So I am planning to keep in touch. I know where they live. (Not nice to just drop by,) but Maybe sometime I will visit them later on. I know I will call.

Then when adding in All my classmates, I really don’t know how I will get by. My email account is becoming really valuable to me. Wow. Well I know I will manage. No one really forgets anyone. I haven’t. I still remember the names of all my friends, and even none friends, of my classmates in Kindergarten.

Well that was that emotional moment. Then came the next drama. Ok homo moment. My host family finally asked the question. Do you have a boyfriend back home? Girlfriend? After acting (I do that a lot to avoid certain topics) like I didn’t know what they asked, I finally got the guts to just tell them. So Yeah, today has been marked as the day I came out of the closet the second time In my life.

You know, this stay in Japan has basically replayed ever moment in My entire life.

Anyway, they are ok with it, in this house anyway. Emi and my host dad both kinda knew I was gay as well. (TEN POINTS FOR ME! I ATLEAST ACTED LIKE MYSELF THIS TIME!)

I learned recently that like in America they have two sides to this topic. Only its got a Japanese twist to it. So I was wrong when I said they were more accepting of gay guys here. It’s about the same actually. Maybe a little bit more difficult in the job field.

Just got a call from Yokomichi. I had asked her about her job a bit, because it sounded like it was tough. But she wanted to tell me that soon I would have to start preparing to go home. … This doesn’t sound to fun. So now I got to try fitting all the cloths I got into the bag again.  Well that’s today. Laters.

01/09/2011

I really don’t know where to start really. Today I have so much I can write about. Well I should start with yesterday.

Yesterday I met up with Olivia, (one of the girls from Canada who came to Japan with me.) She will be leaving a week earlier then I will. Well she’s currently is in Tokyo, and after getting there, (BY MYSELF I MIGHT ADD! YAY ME!) I caught her hanging with one of her friends! Her name was April, she was from… somewhere. I forgot. But she was really out going. She’s been in Japan since, well April of last year. She goes home four days before I do.

Well the first thing the three of us did, was talk. A LOT. It was Amazing! From topics about our stay in Japan, to pointless stuff like why it was so cold in the one spot they chose to sit in. We talked about the weird looks we got from some people here, and about the problems we had in Japan. After listening to the problems the two of them had, I feel like my problems were nothing. Which I felt like that before anyway. But over all we all seemed to get something out of this. Even though we all mostly agreed we were tired of Japan. (I herd many other exchange students left Japan pretty quickly because of some of the issues they had to deal with.) And I am really Glad Olivia has stuck it out as much as she has.

I Had also mad two peanut butter sandwiches for Olivia and I, but Olivia doesn’t care for Peanut butter, (I can understand that, I use to be the same way.) so I gave one to April. SHE LOVED IT. She acted the same way I did when I got the huge jar Christmas. She then went on talking about the difference of Japan’s Peanut butter, vs. America’s. And well, I can understand why, a whole year without it? I couldn’t last a half!

Anyway, we walked around and did some of the favorite things Both April and Olivia love to do together, (the two of them are a lot like how Heramatsu and I are.) And Lucky us we get stopped by one of the camera crews from one of the TV stations here in Japan! (OMG I’m GOING TO BE ON TV IN JAPAN!!!) Or so I thought. The question was about The new music Video for a pop group here. I hadn’t seen it, but April had, and…. In pretty fluent Japanese, told them EXACTLY what she thought about it. That girl really knows what she’s talking about too, and a lot of it wasn’t very good. Even though I didn’t understand most of what she said, I knew what it was about and I got scared. Everything she said was true about the group, and I couldn’t disagree with what she said, so when It was my turn I froze. I was going to say something nice and cool that everyone in Japan would love me for (like every other foreigner in Japan does.) but I quickly abandoned that Idea after I herd what April said.

(what she said: The lyrics have no meaning. And they focus way too much on looking good on screen.) Or something close to that. She said it in a nice way too.

(What I said: They are…interesting…. Yeah. Interesting. But…. Their colors are a bit too much.) ß And the lame o award goes too!!!!!

Well the camera guys doing the interview weren’t expecting this, so they got a bit upset. (One laughed though.)  So after we left we got onto a huge topic about it all.

It was there I also took note at how much Olivia and April are like my friends back home.

Well laughed A LOT more then I had this entire trip. So I was pretty tired when I got home. But it got me thinking about how different I am from when I got here. I really felt like an Adult when I left, but after a few months of being handled, and treated like a kid, I am sure I started acting like one. Not only has my attitude changed to a more passive one (AGAIN! I just got out of that habit back home! <- Use to be a very passive child.) But I also seemed to have lost some of my individuality. Or I’m too tired to fight for it right now. So when I get home I am a bit worried.

April swears just as much as my friends do back home, so I was happy to hear that. That will be another language thing I will have to get use to when I get home. One thing we all look forward to when we get home is SPACE. No more over crowded areas!!!

Well anyway, this morning I realized how much we complained about Japan yesterday. So I started thinking about all the good times I had here. There are a lot. I then started to cry because I realized I just spent Five months with my host family and I don’t know how I feel about that. They obviously aren’t no one to me, but I also feel I don’t know them at all. I spent so much time with them (and the kids at my school as well.) That I really can’t see me just up and leaving without a second thought about them. Its.. Difficult. So I am planning to keep in touch. I know where they live. (Not nice to just drop by,) but Maybe sometime I will visit them later on. I know I will call.

Then when adding in All my classmates, I really don’t know how I will get by. My email account is becoming really valuable to me. Wow. Well I know I will manage. No one really forgets anyone. I haven’t. I still remember the names of all my friends, and even none friends, of my classmates in Kindergarten.

Well that was that emotional moment. Then came the next drama. Ok homo moment. My host family finally asked the question. Do you have a boyfriend back home? Girlfriend? After acting (I do that a lot to avoid certain topics) like I didn’t know what they asked, I finally got the guts to just tell them. So Yeah, today has been marked as the day I came out of the closet the second time In my life.

You know, this stay in Japan has basically replayed ever moment in My entire life.

Anyway, they are ok with it, in this house anyway. Emi and my host dad both kinda knew I was gay as well. (TEN POINTS FOR ME! I ATLEAST ACTED LIKE MYSELF THIS TIME!)

I learned recently that like in America they have two sides to this topic. Only its got a Japanese twist to it. So I was wrong when I said they were more accepting of gay guys here. It’s about the same actually. Maybe a little bit more difficult in the job field.

Just got a call from Yokomichi. I had asked her about her job a bit, because it sounded like it was tough. But she wanted to tell me that soon I would have to start preparing to go home. … This doesn’t sound to fun. So now I got to try fitting all the cloths I got into the bag again.  Well that’s today. Laters.